How Are You Managing?

*Originally published on my Wordpress blog 07.16.2020 

Someone who matters asked me yesterday how I was managing with the pandemic and all the baggage that comes with that. I mean, really, how is anyone managing? One day at a time works but there have been a lot of “one day at a time” days, you know? My immediate response was that I was getting pretty tired of the whole thing. Can we just go back to normal now? I’m not alone in that desire but the old normal is gone and we have yet to see what the new normal will look like. What we get to see right now, however, is history being made. We are a part of something that is so much bigger than we can even know at this time. All we can do is ride it out and see where we end up.

And how am I managing? I acknowledge right off the bat that I am lucky. I have the luxury of being as isolated as I need/want to be. My income is currently protected and I am grateful for every day that it remains stable while I remain isolated. I also acknowledge that I have no underlying health issues which, again, puts me in the “fortunate” category. Sure, this virus is revealing itself to be a chameleon of sorts and it can take a healthy person away but, given my strong health, I have at least a fighting chance against it.

Setting the appreciation aside, I can point to (like everyone I else I know) way too much anxiety floating around. I worry about my family and friends. Everyone I know personally is taking the pandemic seriously. No one argues with masks, gloves, isolation, and other protective strategies. Still, many people cannot be as isolated as I am and any one of them could be inadvertently exposed. Some of my peeps DO have underlying health issues so anxiety likes to hang around in the corners of my world.

Isolated. Even the word has a cold sound to it. I am lucky that I can stay isolated and yet isolated limits my world. Frankly, I don’t need (or particularly want) a lot of company in my day to day life. I am one of those people who has no problem spending a lot of time alone but I do have attachments. I have people who matter, people who inspire, who make me laugh, who make me think, who make me feel, particularly who make me feel connected and loved. And I do miss seeing them. I miss hanging out with my siblings and their families. I miss them the most. My own adult children fit into my limited “pod” and we make opportunities to see each other but I rarely see, in person, any of my other friends in town. I get by but I miss them.

In that same vein, I feel the heavy blanket of loss everywhere in the culture. Certainly, there is the loss when people you love lose people they love. There is the loss of those grand events like all the graduations that went up in disinfected balloons. I know two people who had weddings planned for this summer. The disappointment is real. I had hopes for at least three trips this spring/summer/fall and just about everyone I know had plans of some kind or another that vanished along with the concerts, the fireworks, the birthday parties, and the restaurant dinners. Loss is dripping everywhere and people are trying desperately to wipe it up and carry on. It’s not easy.

Is there anything positive about the pandemic? Anything? Perhaps it has given us a chance to re-evaluate our priorities. Whether we like it or not, our personal choices as well as, maybe, our national and global choices are being called into question. I suspect it’s too soon to see if that is true on a bigger scale, but, in my own life, I have been reminded not to take some previously assumed opportunities for granted. For example, I was greatly distressed when, early on in pandemic days, all the beaches and recreational areas were closed. CLOSED. Not accessible in any way. Here I was, freaking out at the whole scary thing and the powers that be took away my refuge. They took away the outside world of beauty and stillness, the place where I can always touch my own soul. I will never take for granted - not that I did before - but I will never take for granted the opportunities that I have to be outside in the soothing embrace of the natural world.

I also found renewed appreciation for travel and adventure. It’s odd but I had a sweet family trip last January that left a negative taste for all things airport/airplane. I’m not eager to jump on any planes but I do miss the excitement of experiencing new places and collecting memories that intoxicate me. There are other occasions that I will not take for granted in the future: the library, a restaurant dinner, live music shows at the nearby brewery, the coffeehouse, hugs, browsing in a bookstore, art classes, in person classes of any kind, being out in the world without a mask. I guess all of these are valuable clues about what matters to me.

I’ve noticed an intriguing trend that seems to be shared by some other people I know. My IRL friendships, those people that I used to see regularly for drinks or coffee or dinner, those friendships all seem to be on hold. In the early pandemic days, there was a fair amount of check in texting and exchanging various funny and/or inspiring memes, articles, videos, etc. But I’ve noticed that those exchanges are relatively rare now and even the text check ins have more or less vanished. I don’t doubt the friendships. I believe they are still there. But people are burned out on virtual communication and maybe just tired of boosting each other up. On the other hand, my more novel on-line world has become richer and more intriguing. Perhaps because I am spending a lot of time by myself at home, I do drift among the crowds on Twitter. I’ve gotten rather attached to certain accounts, enjoying the humor, the thoughtfulness, the valuable discussions, the polls. I gravitate to the book referrals and reviews, to the funny videos, to the poetry, to all the posted beauty found there. I marvel at the sunrises, the flowers, at the ocean scenes, and at the incredible wonder of seeing a newborn baby’s face. My world has expanded because I have had the time to just stroll along, getting acquainted here and there, getting filled up with the positives in the world. Some people remark about negativity or mean on-line behaviors but I don’t have that problem. I am delighted and even sometimes overwhelmed by the many engaging and fun people I have met in recent months. I guess that’s a win for the pandemic, heh?

So back to the question from the one who matters. How am I managing the pandemic? All things considered, and because I am one of the lucky ones, I think I am managing pretty well. True, I would prefer to wave that magic wand and make it all go away but I‘m not that powerful. Instead, I depend on a trusted friend to remind me that this is temporary. This scary time will not necessarily evaporate but it will transform into something else. Everything changes. This will too. I manage by walking through one day at a time. I breathe through long solo bike rides and I take myself to the beach or the trail. I reach out via text and email to family members. I allow myself to be inspired by on-line friends from around the world. I read and I do my best to connect with other people who are struggling. I pay attention to what I am feeling and sometimes I put that down on a canvas or a paper or a keyboard. I keep my mind open to the mysterious and stay curious about where life is going next. I mean, aren’t those the things we do in life anyway? Pandemic or no pandemic, we human beings have discovered ways to cope with life’s surprises. I guess COVID-19 gives us an opportunity to practice taking gratefully what the Universe is offering. We have no idea why the Universe is offering this to us but if we embrace mystery, if we acknowledge the thin line that separates illusion from reality, life from death, then maybe we will be okay.