*Originally published on my Wordpress blog 01.14.2022
Over the last few years, I have read and watched several books and videos about the ancient Stoic philosophers. This philosophy arose out of ancient Greece and its beliefs are still evident in the world today. Much of its direction comes from strategies that make the most of positive emotions and reduce the impact of negative emotions. There’s a lot more to this philosophy but the part that intrigues me right now is how the Stoic philosophers approach anger.
One thing needs to be clear. Stoicism is not that “stiff upper lip” thing that we think of most often when we talk about a person being stoic. In that scenario, a person’s life is emotionless. In that definition, a person becomes a brick wall with emotions locked out (or locked in). But, in fact, the original Stoics of ancient Greece believed that emotions were critical for human happiness. They flow through us and they make us, us. They are to be valued and expressed. But they also believed that emotions could be controlled and that gaining control of emotions is one path toward a richer life, a life that is lived with ease. This is the part that I want to understand more.
Anger has always been troubling for me. I can manage anger on a personal level. I am able to listen and let the Other be seen. I get angry at individuals in my daily life but I am good at (usually) diplomatically communicating that anger and I pivot to understanding and possible solutions fairly soon. However, these days/months/years I find myself outraged by the current political climate. I can manage anger on a personal level but anger that is directed at a huge, amorphous entity? Not so much.
There are two fundamental anger management techniques in the Stoic way of life. The first thing to do when anger shows up in the room is to take a step back . Most often when humans get angry the very first reaction is “I’ve been wronged”. Stoicism says put some distance between yourself and the precipitating event and/or person. Recognize that your reaction to the event/person is an internal construct. It reflects your own take on the situation. Your mind is guessing the consequences of the action but those aren’t necessarily what will actually happen. You are having this reaction but wait. Step back. Maybe breathe. Then move on to the second step. Question everything. Question your judgements, your beliefs, your assumptions. Yes, there are challenging people and events but it really isn’t all about you. The world is not “out to get you”. Your predictions about what will happen next are only that: predictions. Maybe they will happen, maybe not. This whole part is difficult for me, especially when it comes to what is happening in the country these days. I am quick to get angry, quick to assume that disaster is coming. And, maybe it is. But, maybe not. Don’t believe everything you think.
According to Seneca (one of the Greek founders of Stoicism), those two combined strategies will get you a long way in terms of managing anger and feeling more at ease in the world. Need some more techniques? In his book Breakfast with Seneca: A Stoic Guide to the Art of Living, author David Fideler outlines a few more of the strategies that Seneca described 2,000 years ago. Let me describe a few of them.
One technique is to always remember that people often have no idea what they are doing or saying and they make mistakes. Don’t take their actions so seriously. I 100% agree with that . In general, don’t take ANYTHING too seriously.
Along the same lines, be the bigger person. Choose not to be injured by trivial things. Scoff at those people/groups who antagonize you. See them as beneath you. When some political big mouth makes atrocious comments, roll your eyes and move on to the next tweet or page.
I love this one. Associate with good natured people who are unlikely to make you angry and who aren’t going to put up with your anger. I think that is especially true on social media. I’m not way deep into social media but I do craft my timeline on Twitter so that it includes people who care about beauty and kindness. I dismiss anyone who is hateful.
Another recommendation from the long ago Stoics is often repeated in the modern self help literature. It’s a no-brainer, if you ask me. Don’t allow yourself to become mentally or physically exhausted and stay on top of the need for nourishment. Taking care of those basic needs goes a long way towards keeping anger at bay.
In some ways this next one is obvious but I’m not sure how often it is really employed. Know yourself. Understand what it is that makes you angry. What upsets you? Once you know your weak spots, don’t expose them to things likely to disturb you. Along the same vein, you can avoid a lot of upset by simply not taking things in. You don’t have to follow every bit of news every day. Limit yourself around what you take in. Know when you need to pull back and then do that.
The next one might be tough to follow but it is still worth trying to implement. That is, forgive other people, even the parts of humanity that are ugly to you. No one is perfect. You are not perfect. The faults we find in others also exist within ourselves.
Finally (and, again, I love this one): remember that if someone makes you angry, you can just wait a little. Everyone dies. That makes us all equal and it can also resolve a lot of anger. Perhaps there are other things on which to focus rather than that idiot on social media who drives you crazy.
I am enjoying my study of Stoicism and hope to review the book Breakfast with Seneca by David Fideler in a future post. I would also like to point interested readers to the work of William Irvine. He has published several books on the Stoics, most of which I have read. They are all engaging books to read and easily accessible. His books include The Stoic Challenge and A Guide to the Good Life.
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