I Didn't Ask For This

 *Originally posted on my Wordpress blog 03.30.2020

Stuck again. Stuck without a writing topic. Stuck at home.  But getting used to being stuck at home.  When this whole "social distancing" thing first began, I was angry, scared, annoyed, calling bullshit. Like everything else in life though, my attitude changed. Thank GOD everything changes. I could get pretty discouraged if I thought life were always going to be the same. This big event called COVID-19 is instituting both small and, I hope, large scale change. Right now it is the personal change that is challenging me.

The term "social distancing" first landed in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary back in 2003 but it has leaped into common usage in the last month or so.  I hate it. I think it is unnatural for human beings to practice social distancing .  The idea that we must maintain physical distance from each other is an anathema to me.  Let me be clear.  I am not an overly huggy type person.  I am not a joiner.  I am not unhappy with solitude.  I don't particularly need people around.  And yet, I like people.  I like to spend (limited) time with them.  I want connection with others and that includes affection, conviviality, warmth, graciousness, shared passion.  Connection and social distancing don't mix so well in my book.  On the other hand, I am a big fan of science and science is telling me that, for now, it is in the community's best interest to do this distancing. So, I am having those tough conversations with myself.  My different selves are  agreeing to set their reservations aside and physically disconnect from the people I care about.  I can do that for awhile because I trust the science behind this recommendation.  I don't have to like it and I DON'T like it but I am also, as I said earlier, getting used to it.

I will never get used to not being able to give my daughter a hug. I will never get used to not being able to comfortably visit over dinner with my son. I will never get used to not being able to walk along the beach and breathe in the blue where water and sky meet. I will never get used to not being able to lay on the ground under the redwood trees and listen to the wind rock the leaves.  I will never get used to not being able to visit my brothers and my sister, not being able to just relax and laugh with them. But what I CAN get used to is having the time to read without feeling guilty about being productive.  I can get used to connecting more with some Twitter and IRL friends and encouraging each other while we weather these distant times.  I can get used to longer solitary yoga sessions and longer delightful painting sessions. I can even get to enjoy not having a calendar in front of me, demanding that I obey its every appointment request.

I am doing what I think successful human beings do.  I am adapting to the situation. I am acknowledging that, for now, I have to adjust some routines.  I have to accept change in order to stay healthy and keep my community as healthy as possible.  I didn't ask for this change and in fact, it took me by surprise. But isn't that the way it is in life sometimes? You don't ask for the change.  It might even knock you over. But if you adapt, you will likely survive.  Sometimes, in retrospect, you will see the value in the change.  Sometimes change will make you wiser or more compassionate.  Sometimes, change will even make you happy. And, if you let it, change might even make you grow.