Fluid

*Originally published on my Wordpress blog 11.14.2019

I often think I am just not meant for this time and place. That’s it.  I am trying to make myself fit into a fast world with way too many distractions and distresses.  But what else are you going to do?  This is the era in which I am (currently) living. -Perhaps I have lived in other times /places or will live in other times/ places but who knows?  I am curious about multiple universes and time / physics stuff but not smart enough to understand any of it. 

What I do know is that I prefer solitude and quiet to crowds and noise.  I prefer books and certain poetry to FACEBOOK and  reality TV.  I prefer neighborhood walks at dawn  to sleeping in.  I prefer a stroll along the beach to window shopping at the mall (not that malls are happening much anymore but you get the idea).  I prefer a glass of wine or a cup of tea with one or two friends to a big social gathering that involves dancing from conversation to conversation.  I'd rather walk or ride my bicycle to any in-town errands than get in my car and drive there. I like travel but I hate airports.  I hate chain saw and leaf blower noise but I love bird calls and wind weaving through tree branches.  I love a good movie, a movie that tells me I am alive, but I'm not at all fond of slap stick comedy movies.  My favorite month of the year is April and I struggle to get through January.  

More and more I am finally starting to see that I get to be whoever I am.  I don’t have to follow the script anymore.  I had to follow it when I was a kid because Catholic Church, parents, culture.  I followed it  when I was older because I thought it was what I was supposed to do and I was finding my way.  But now?  Now, it’s just beginning to fully dawn on me that I get to make the choices on everything.  And  I can change my mind all I want. I don’t have to make one choice and that’s the end of the conversation (with myself).  I can say on one day that I will never wear anything but sweats or shorts again and the very next day I can go out shopping for new jeans.  I can say I will never get on an airplane again and, two weeks later, I can book a flight to NYC.  I am discovering that I am a fluid individual.  Everything changes, including my self.  I can stay curious about all my selves. That will keep life interesting.