Maybe one of the keys to a content (if not happy) life is adaptation. Life is largely twists and turns, many of which are unpredictable. The trick might be to acknowledge that the winds blow and the world changes and then adapt to the changes. I mean, if I could do that, well, then I could be that buoyant human being who tumbles in the wind tolerating, if not enjoying, the intoxicating ride.
Adaptation says, “Oh, so this is what we’re doing now.” It looks around and figures out how to adjust to the shift. When you think about it, life is one set of adaptations after another. You adjust to life outside the womb, to life away from mama and in school, to life away from school and in the work world, to life with a partner and sometimes later life without same partner and on and on and on. Sometimes the adaptation has to be instant - you either breathe and make it or you don’t - and sometimes there is room to acclimate to adaptation. You can take it in bits and pieces.
Isn't that what we humans have to do all the time? We have to adapt - whether it's to a time change, a season change, a job change, a relationship change, a health change - adapt adapt adapt. Or die. Die is a little extreme but if you don’t adapt, you will not thrive
*Originally published on my Wordpress blog 10.15.2021
Then there is that phenomena called hedonic adaptation. To remind you, hedonic adaptation is that human tendency to always want more, to maybe never be quite satisfied with what is. Research has shown that no matter what happens, people get used to life's changes (positive or negative). If they win the lottery or if they lose their mobility due to an accident, they eventually will bounce back either to a place of wanting more (lottery winners) or acclimating to a new way of living (loss of mobility).
I’ve always been just like everyone else - once I get what I want, it becomes something else that I want. I wanted to go to college, then I wanted satisfying work. Somewhere in there I wanted s partner and a baby or two. Somewhere in there we wanted a house, a place to call our own, and then something with a little more space, then somewhere that would support child rearing. One thing after another….
The older I get, the less I seem to want. I suppose that’s a natural progression. I mean, I’ve done the college thing, the baby thing, the teenagers thing, the career thing - all done. I still have desires but they are less about the concrete and more about the abstract. I am satisfied with my possessions and I don’t really need more or different “things”. The thing I want the most is strong physical and mental health and nothing pushes that aside. Right along side of that is human connection. I want to remain vital in the world. I want to be plugged in and I want to make a difference somewhere, somehow, to someone. Isn’t there a song like that? I want to love and to be loved. I also want to keep learning because there is so much of interest in our world. There is so much to be curious about, so much to wonder and be amazed about, so much to create. I want to take that part of me to my final day in this lifetime.
And here's another somewhat related truth: things are never the way you see them in your imagination. Idealization -making something perfect - is unrealistic. Not much is as good as it is in the imagination. Well, that's true for me anyway. So I remind myself to watch out for what I wish for. Lately I have been experimenting with something that seems well beyond my reach. Can I be upright, eyes facing forward, putting my arms out gracefully to either side, sitting balanced and open, and simply wait to see what happens next? It's a useful experiment. Can I breathe in this moment and not be planning or scheming for the future because the future is not going to be whatever I imagine it to be anyway? It's doubtful that I can keep it up but I'm further along that path than I have ever been. Maybe that’s because I am closer than I have ever been to the end of the path. In hindsight, I see now what I couldn’t see years ago. I think I will continue to keep my eyes open. I will look for what is really there and not just what I think I want to see. I wonder how that will go?
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