*Originally posted on my Wordpress blog 08.18.2022
A certain small child went to her first full day of child care this week. Because she was born in the time of COVID, she has not mingled much with other children and, in fact, has never been cared for outside the family circle. She knows the homes of close family members but that’s about it. Her dad took her to visit for awhile at the small day care location last Friday so that she could gain a bit more familiarity with the people there (she had been there with mom once before). She was fine when dad dropped her off last week. She didn’t object when he left and she was interested in the other kids. Nap time arrived and she actually did go to sleep. Unfortunately, she woke up from the nap disoriented and upset. She cried the entire hour and half before mom arrived to take her home.
All the adults in this child’s life were concerned about how today was going to go. Mom reported that there were HUGE tears at drop off (hard for mom too). The day care provider sent a couple of photos of a not crying (but clearly subdued) small child at a couple of other points in the day. She did, however, lay down at nap time. Yes, she woke up crying but she calmed down after a bit and was content to watch the other kids.
This feels like a pivotal day / week in this girl’s life. Up until now, her days were always in the steady and familiar care of people she knew. She was innocent and had no idea that there were going to be days like this. It feels as if she was blindsided. Her world got shaken to the core. She found herself in a situation where she knew no one. Yes, of course, this is life. We must all get used to it but isn’t this experience going to change her at the core? Now she knows fear where I am not so sure she knew it before. Now she knows abandonment. She knew nothing about being on her own and now she does.
Of course, it has to happen sometime. That’s the goal of parenting: to raise independent and competent human beings. It comes at a price though. Her bewilderment and fear/anxiety are partly about the fact that she has had such a secure life so far. If her parents and the care provider handle it well, she will come out of this week with new skills and an expanded world view. She will discover that she can manage in an unfamiliar environment.
In the end, she will most likely eventually enjoy playing with the other kids. She will bond with the provider and, leaving mom most mornings will not be the painful experience that it was this week. Is there a residual impact? Well, don’t we all have residual? Yes, I guess so. That’s what makes us the mix of humanity that we are. These are the adventures and ordeals that make us into the people we are. This is why childhood events are so important. Lessons get learned. It can be hard to unlearn them so we are lucky when the lessons teach us the truth and not just some random misrepresentation. Small girl is learning how to take care of herself. She is learning that she can manage life. She is learning that she can trust her parents to secure loving and capable child care providers when they have to work. Those lessons translate into confidence and ease in life. If only all children could have the same safe and non stressful learning environments that this little girl of privilege has enjoyed this week. Maybe she will grow up to be a person who can facilitate such experiences for all human beings? One can hope.
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