I Was Lucky

*Originally posted on my Wordpress blog 01.26.2021

Walt Whitman wrote, “I am large I contain multitudes.” I think about that for myself. I am curious about so many subjects. I have a million projects and interests. I could do art every day and I still wouldn't have enough time to create all that I want to create with paint, pastels, drawing pencils, and other tools. I could write every day and still have more to say. I could read all every afternoon and yet be far from the end of my reading list.  I could write poetry and read poetry every evening and still not be tired. I could go to art galleries, I could enjoy music venues, I could travel to urban spaces and to remote places and still want to see more.

There's also the whole outside world for me. I could take a daily two or three hour hike and enjoy every minute of it. I never get tired of going to the beach, to walk, to look at rocks and shells, to sit and stare at the waves. I never get tired of bringing the camera and just noticing the world around me. When I have a camera in my hands, I look up, I look down.  I see patterns and I see light bouncing around the natural world that I am touring. If I could,  I would be happy to kayak at least every week. If I could,  I would be happy to ride on a sailboat at least every week.In short, I am in love with the outdoor world and I can never get enough of it. 

Some years back I had challenging knee surgery and I was beginning to think that I was never going to be able to walk normally again. Friends suggested yoga but I'd always shied away from it. It felt too froo froo for me. I was determined to get my knees back, however, so I rather boldly signed up to take yoga classes three times a week. I hated it. The language was foreign, the directions were confusing, my body didn't want to do what the teacher was demonstrating. I felt like a fool in front of all the other experienced yoga people. But, I was determined to get my knees back. I stuck with it. It was at least 18 months before I started to say, “Hmmm,  maybe I could get to  like yoga”. And after four years of yoga classes, I got to like it a lot. When COVID closed everything I simply did my yoga class at home by myself every day and I actually came to like it a lot.

Besides hiking for neighborhood walks, my other big outdoor love is bicycling. I cannot tell you how exhilarating it is for me to take an early morning bicycle ride. I live in a part of the world that has remarkable scenery at every turn. There are a couple of major highways but there are a lot of smaller roads and even some bike trails. One of my greatest pleasures is to take a solitary three hour bike ride very early on a traffic-less Sunday morning. I have a mirror on my bike and buds in my ears. I watch carefully. I relish every hill, every stunning sunrise, every burst of color, every crunch of calf muscles, every blast of breeze as I head down the hills. I am alive.

Early one morning last October, I crashed my bike. It was not the first time I'd ever crashed the bike but it proved to be one of the more regrettable bike accidents I’ve had. I had to brake suddenly on a hill.  In order to avoid going over the handlebars, I veered to the left and the left side of my body hit the asphalt hard. Initially, I wanted to just ignore it. Put some ice on that shoulder and arm, take some Advil, and  it will be fine in the morning. But it wasn't fine. In fact, as the week went by, it became obvious that we were far from fine. I jumped through the hoops required in the American healthcare system and eventually it was determined  that I had bruised or broken several bones.  There was also a torn rotator cuff.  The rotator cuff would need to be surgically repaired but that surgery couldn't happen until the bones had healed. So began yet another frustration of 2020.

Consequently, I've been limited in my outdoor activities since October 16. I cannot convey to you how hard this has been for me. Fortunately,  for most of the time I have been able to walk in the neighborhood or on relatively short hikes. The surgery happened in early January and I've been challenged with this rigid large sling that holds the entire left arm very carefully. It makes It difficult to be the independent person thatI am. It means I have to ask for help or do without. Since the bike accident I haven't been able to regularly ride the bike, nor to do the complete yoga practice that I like to do. I missed the both the bicycle and the full yoga practice so much.

I do remind myself often that it could have been so much worse. My consultation and surgery was with an orthopedic specialist, not with a neurosurgeon. I was in excellent health prior to the accident so I started my recovery from a good strong place. I can and do still walk every morning and sometimes again later in the day. Oh, and it's winter. Winter is not the best season for bicycling in this area. The mornings are too dark and the roads can be too icy and too wet for safe bicycling. If I had to be sidelined from the bicycle, November, December, January, and February are the perfect months to step away.

I was surprised at how difficult the surgery was. Due to previous bicycle accidents and a genetic predisposition to arthritis, I have had more experience with surgery than I ever expected to have. I thought this surgery would be fairly easy but I was wrong. The surgeon found more damage than anticipated and a three hour surgery turned into a five hour surgery. Now I have this big black boot like thing on my arm. It means that I have to sleep upright to keep the shoulder elevated and that means sleep is interrupted. There is a lot of pain and I’m not a big fan of pain medication so there's that. Lots of those interests that I referenced above require two arms/hands so I have had to pause my art and writing endeavors. And, as referenced above, it's a big pain in the neck to depend on other people to help you. I hate asking for help with anything but now I need to get help with such tasks as fixing a meal, getting dressed, and putting on the seatbelt.  I hate being dependent on someone else for transportation but when you drive a manual transmission, you need two hands.

So did I learn anything? Of course I did!  I learn all the time. I learned that I need to be even more careful when I'm riding my bicycle. The accident occurred at about 5:30 AM. It was dark and visibility was poor. I was going downhill, perhaps a little too fast. Some people who love me get mad at me and suggest that maybe I should stop riding a bicycle altogether. That's not going happen. I like that bicycle I like that feeling of being alive.  That's worth it to me. But I will concede that I could ride more carefully. I was reminded that accidents happen and you have to roll with life. You have to make the best of the situation. This time on the sidelines will make me appreciate those early morning bike rides even more. It will make me even more grateful for the contemplative and daily complete yoga practice. I will be glad when I can tie my own shoes again, when I can try on clothes down at Dressers again, and when I can again drive my own car.  I will be delighted when I'm not in pain again. None of this was the worst thing that could happen. In fact, far from it.  When I whine, I need to remember that.  I need to remember that I have good friends and family who care about me. I will be back in action soon (Mid-March?). Things could have been so much more devastating. I was really quite lucky.  I can't forget that.