You Matter

*Originally published on my Wordpress blog 06.30.2021

A few weeks ago I wrote a post expressing gratitude for some of the many gifts have been given to me in this life. That post morphed into two posts because there is so much I have to be grateful for. I had planned a third one but now I realize that I have to give up ever suggesting that this theme will end. I can’t wrap up gratitude in a few blog posts. There is just too much. However, I can bite off chunks here and there. 

I wrote previously of my parents and siblings and the pivotal roles they have played in my life. I was lucky beyond lucky to have been born into that family. I have also been lucky beyond lucky to encounter remarkable people over all these years. I want to salute some of those people, living and dead, who have mattered to me. At some later post, I will write about well known people and/or literary characters who have mattered but this one is a toast to real people.  I want to toast them and celebrate our shared time on this planet. 

To Alexander. You took me to a whole new level of love. Becoming a parent showed me so much more of what life has to offer and the lessons have continued to this day. I love your kindness, your compassion, and your dedication to making the world a better place. I wish for you an equal expansion of the heart when your baby daughter arrives in the fall.

To Aunt Frances. You were a veiled (literally) mystery to me but always always always a loving, non-judgmental, generous mystery. You helped me out several times when I was a young college person and then you used your connections and helped me get my first real job. You died suddenly and I drove my mom to your funeral because you mattered to me. 

To Bruce. You live 2,000+ miles away and likely I will never meet you but you matter more than you know. You grace me with your real self and teach me always about beauty, openness, and the value of hope. I hope your life brings you all that you deserve.

To Dave. You swept me off my feet. You opened more doors for me than you will ever know and you forgave me when the forgiving wasn’t easy. I hope you continue to find comfort and direction on the Buddha’s path and that you will always keep me in some corner of your life.

To Donna. Donna Donna Donna. You always make me smile. You are smart, creative, bold, funny, gracious, and kind, so kind. I loved working with you and I loved our long after hours conversations. And Washington DC with you and John? The. Best. May we still find time and make room for shared laughter and philosophizing. 

To Frank.  It has been over eleven years since you left so unexpectedly. I still miss you. You are the perfect example of Joni Mitchell’s , “You don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.” You mattered for the love you showed me and for the work you did in the world. I will never forget you.

To Harold. I may never meet you but you have been a guide to Beauty. You see Beauty in words, in people, in flowers, in art, and with warmth and humor. You give me Hope when I can’t find it. May Blue be your pilot through all the days of your life.

To Jeanne. You were the daughter of my paramour, but more importantly, you were my first true best friend.  You showed me the way out of a cage and taught me how to fly. Your beauty, your wisdom, your creativity, your spirt wowed me. I am forever grateful for your presence in my life.

To Jim. You are my birthday twin but so much more than that. You always see the positive in the darkness of the world. You can sing away anyone’s blues. You make time for me and let me cry in your presence. I know you can be trusted. May you be the leader of the Love Choir forever.

To Judy. I was young with two very small children. I was eager for connection and guidance. You opened your arms, smiled your gorgeous real smile, and pulled us all in. I could not do enough for you for all that you gave to me. You mattered a lot. I still think of you with the greatest gratitude. I hope your life is rich with family, your faith, and homemade pizza.

To Katie. We were best friends for awhile there. You thought I was all that because I loved talking to men and you wanted to learn how to do that. You didn’t need me. You were fine. But then a man moved into my life and you moved out of my life. I never forgot you. I hope you found what you were looking for in life. 

To Kathy. You smiled EVERY single day that we worked together. You were excellent at what you did and you did it all with such warmth and kindness. You made ALL the difference in the world during those years. May your days now be filled with those wonderful grandchildren, some fun projects, and that evening glass of wine.

To Ken. I haven’t talked to you in over 35 years yet you still matter to me.  You adored me there for awhile and maybe I let you down. I never knew why you didn’t want to continue but I am still grateful for your presence. You took care of me and you carried me along for several years. Thank you.

To Kohl. You funny guy. You are energetic, charming, and handsome. You gave me something to look forward to at a time when life seemed to be letting me down. May the circles that we have always talked about surround you with all you need for your best life.

To Mary Frances. We were young moms together, trading babysitting, laughter, tears, and cookies.  Our kids grew up but we continue to share family stories, genetic material, letters, laugher, and grief. You were the light of my toddler parenthood isolating days. You still light the way as we bury our parents and care for the next generation. Here’t to picnics and gingerbread house days forever.

To Meg. You are beautiful in every way. From the day you arrived on the planet, you have been my best girl, the baby turned young woman love. You have taught me so much and have made me so happy. I hope Rory brings that same deep delight to you every day of your life. 

To Megan. Best friend. You get busy. I get busy. But I know there is an instant and tight bond between us.  You accept me as I am and I never have to pretend or be someone else for you, I hope you always find what you are looking for.

To Michael. You built a life with me. You always gave me your best. Responsibility and dedication are your hallmarks AND you can make me laugh. May the rest of your days be filled with trees, projects, root beer bars, and Morris minors.

To Mike. You matter for what you gave to my children and for what you have always given me. Your humor, your kindness, your wisdom - they all made a big difference to me when we worked together. We may be getting older but there are shared values and shared people that will always connect us. I still want to find time to enjoy your company.

To Randy. You exist in the marriage of a nonjudgmental attitude and extraordinary listening skills. You are the keeper of secrets, the master of a safe place, the wise escort on a journey through time. I would not be here if I had not met you on this wondrous path. May you stay curious always.

To Richard. We weren’t besties or anything but we did enjoy some good conversations. I was devastated when you took your own life but you taught me how a loving community responds to tragedy. You taught me that your route could never be my route. RIP.

To Rory. Tiny baby and newest member of my tribe. You have captured me fully. I easily lose myself in your eyes. I am forever invested in your well being and happiness. May your life be rich in connections, beauty, wonder, and awe.

To Shari. Your enthusiasm and honesty have always impressed me. I continue to be intimidated by your intelligence, your courage, and your kindness. May you enjoy years of hiking and reading. I will always make cookies for you.

To Stacey.  You moved into the house over the back fence and changed the vibe back there. Thank you for years of walks, hours of talks, and evenings spent philosophizing over glasses of wine. Thank you for sharing your children with me and for letting me be me in your presence. Here’s to questions without answers.

To Stacy. You brought your children into my classroom, thinking they were getting a decent teacher. Ha!  I fooled you. I’m the one who got the best teachers. I learned about curiosity, joy, strength, and patience from you and your family and I am STILL learning. Here’s to the laugher and tears from all the years. May we continue to share that always.  

To Uncle Ralph. You made me feel okay when my world was falling apart. You told me that I was not alone, nor was I irredeemably broken. You have always had faith in me, even when you knew I could not share your religious views. You still accepted me the way I am. Thank you.

To Zenzo. You lifted me up when I most needed it. Thank you for fast cars, margaritas, and good conversations. I hope they are not over. I’ll see you at Bell Springs.

I’ve come to the end of the alphabet. This was a fun piece to write and I could have included many more people. How do you know when to stop? IDK but what I DO know is that I am remarkably fortunate to have known some wonderful human beings. This is the reason to keep going in life, these connections. We build webs to support ourselves, to give and take. I am lucky because, beyond these people, I also have brothers, a sister, and spouses of brothers and a sister. I have nieces and nephews and cousins that amaze me.  This web of connection sustains me and maybe that is the whole point of life? To build a web that gives meaning to your days. What do you think?