Be a Baby

*Originally published on my Wordpress blog 08.24.2021 

If you are open to it, you can learn a lot from the most unexpected circumstances and even from the very least educated people you encounter.  A tiny person came into my life recently and she is already teaching me so much. Rory is six months old. I have signed on to provide child care for ten hours, three or four days a week. I am no spring chicken and I have already learned that ten hours of child care for an infant can be exhausting. But, I am also learning so much more.

Rory is a master at living in the moment. This is perhaps the most significant thing I am learning from her so far. All that child seems to be aware of is what is in her grasp at that moment.  Her face beams when she sees something or someone that apparently pleases her. Her face shows concentration and focus when she is clearly challenged by something or someone that is unfamiliar to her. She is obviously tuned into the signals that her body sends when it needs attention. She may not yet know what she specifically needs but if, in that moment, her body is hungry or tired, that is what she is experiencing. 

The beauty of this, as far as I can see, is that Rory doesn’t ache for the people of Afghanistan. She is not worried about contracting COVID nor is she angry at people who refuse the vaccine. Rory isn’t apparently thinking about how she will get the bills paid or wondering if there will be a wildfire nearby this week. She isn’t thinking about what she wants for dinner or what new iPhone she should get. She is merely living her life as she experiences it in that moment.

Rory seems to take delight in the simplest of pleasures. I need to take a lesson from that. I have created a Spotify playlist that is an instant soother for her. The songs run the gamut from Mr Rogers to 50’s crooner hits. It includes Jack Johnson and John Prine sweetness as well as classic show tunes and classical piano pieces. The most significant qualification for making it to the playlist is that I have to be willing to hear that song six or eight times a day, if necessary. If Rory is unsettled, I can flip on that playlist and she will instantly tune in to the songs and calm herself. It’s as if she brings the music into herself and all is then right in her world. Then she often falls asleep which, from this outsider’s perspective, is exactly what she needed at that moment.  

Rory is teaching me how to have an even more open and wondering mind. She has this thing I call her “stand up toy”.  She isn’t ready for standing or even sitting independently but I can put her in the “stand up toy” and she is supported such that she can investigate toys and watch the world go by.  Generally, this toy is placed by the window where Rory’s eyes can also investigate what is going on in the bushes or on the street outside the window, Sometimes I am lucky to catch her eyes lifted to an object outside the window that I am not seeing. She is clearly focused on something, with an open smile, sparkly eyes, and baby chatter. I can’t see what is so interesting in that bush but she is seeing something. Occasionally I wonder if she is still able to access the Unknown World - the space and time that fill the Before Birth and After Death void. Maybe her fascination is with some commodity that I’ve lost touch with, something that is not available to humans who have learned to think rather than be. At any rate, to watch her appreciation of an invisible (to me) presence is teaching me to be open to such things in my concrete world.

This baby is also teaching me about trust. There is something quite miraculous about holding her close as she lets go of consciousness and moves into the mysterious world of sleep. Her eyes become fixed on my eyes. It’s as if she is searching my face trying to determine if I am trustworthy. Will I keep her safe if she goes to sleep?  There is a poignancy in that thought. Is it the same as when I search my own consciousness and surrender to the Universe, trusting that the Universe will keep me safe?  If so, then I need to be a much better student. I need to pay closer attention and perhaps do some homework. Rory is showing me that you can close your eyes and let the world turn. She has no reason not to trust but she doesn’t know that. Can I learn again to surrender to the care of some more powerful entity?  I don’t know. And when will Rory stop trusting like that? I guess when the world disappoints and / or damages her. For now, I embrace the gift of trust that she is giving me. I think I might want to learn how to do that myself. 

When I was a kid, I thought that adults knew everything. But now I know that the older I am, the less I know. Or maybe, the older I am, the more there is still left to learn.  I like that idea even more. It’s not that life hasn’t already taught me a great deal. It has. But I am not done learning yet. I am happy to look for teachers everywhere, even teachers who are tiny enough to be carried around in my arms.  They have valuable lessons to impart.