Passing Through

*Originally published on my Wordpress blog 02.22.2022

Passing through - there’s the theme.  We are just passing through. Our lives are a pinprick of time on this planet. Some of us last for two years , some for a hundred and two years  but that’s it. When you think about it, it’s quite mind boggling. There have been eons and eons of time behind us yet you and I will end up being here on the planet for a mere 80 or 90 year period. I am one person in a world that currently houses close to eight billion people.  To me the insignificance of that is staggering. What’s the point? Maybe there is no point? Or maybe the point is to see what you can see, take in what you can take in, experience what you are ready for, learn what you can, and then pass through to nothing or pass through to something. Who knows?

I was wondering about how I viewed older people when I was in my twenties. When I was going to college and alive and sparkly in a world of twenty to thirty year old people, did I even notice people who might be over 80 years old?  I would have encountered them in the community but did I think about them? I'm not being judgmental about myself here. I am just wondering what my perspective was back then.  I don't think now that I gave much thought then to people in the last decades of life.  That stage of life was so far away from me at that point. My grandparents were all dead by the time I was 18 and my parents weren't that old.  If I thought at all about the elderly, it was likely with some compassion but also with a strong disconnect. I imagine that I viewed them as not of much value anymore.  I probably felt bad because they moved slowly and seemed somewhat out of it.   I know I did not diss them. I know I made room for them. I just don't think I ever thought that some day I might be eighty years old.

I'm still not eighty years old but the idea is not foreign to me at all anymore. It's too close for comfort, frankly.  I still think I should be able to do all that I was once able to do when I was a 25 year old person. My slightly older brother challenged me on that idea this past weekend. His comment?  "What? You think you're special? You think you are going to be able to ride all those miles every week on your bicycle forever? You think you are going to have the body that doesn't gradually (if not suddenly) disintegrate? You think you are going to hear and see and balance just as keenly as you did back then? What universe are you living in?"  It was a question worth asking of me and one that was not easy for me to face. I have this idea of old women as frumpy, uninvolved, slow, whiny, disengaged. That's not fair, nor is it accurate.  True, I may not end up riding my bike for twenty miles every Sunday morning when I am eighty but I can still be alive. I can still be engaged, curious, warm, friendly, and involved with others. Sure, I will have some physical slowing down but one can still be gracious and interested and interesting at eighty years old. I can look for those role models and I can aspire to be that person.

How do you do that? How do you age with equanimity? First, stay as mentally healthy as possible. Continue to know yourself, to question yourself, to challenge yourself, to take in the world. Keep on adapting. Life is full of changes and adaptation is what keeps a person alive (literally and figuratively). Adaptation can be a remarkably painful process (think death of loved ones) but with support and patience it can open new doors. Everything changes. You can adapt to change with a gloomy attitude or you can adapt to change with a curious attitude. Choose curious.

Second,  stay physically healthy. Sure, there will be unavoidable health issues but you can do your part to maintain physical health. For me , that means staying physically active, eating a nourishing diet, and meditating to keep anxiety at bay. It also includes applying sun screen and lotion as needed, enjoying a glass of wine on a regular basis (but not overindulging), having an active sex life, and taking a couple of vitamins that have been recommended by my physician. For others, staying healthy might include certain other medications, including cannabis.

A third way is somewhat tied to the first two.  This is for me but maybe you would agree?  I want to grow older and still be well groomed. I will continue to care about my physical appearance. I won't turn entirely into a frumpy, bedraggled , gray person.   As I always do, I will dress for comfort and warmth but I will continue to dress for attractiveness.  I will do the little things that matter to me and that make me feel good about myself.  It's as simple as that.

Another way to grow older with equanimity is to stay connected to people of all ages.  Be curious and non judgemental about everyone but especially about younger people. Children have so much to offer us. Find a way to keep a small child in your life. Find a way to keep teenagers in your life. They have ideas and vitality and it would behoove you to give them your attention.  Stay in touch with college aged people for the same reason. Make yourself attractive to people of all ages by accepting them as they are.  Listen to them. In fact, I would say that is one of the best ways to stay vibrant as you age. Listen more than you talk. Make yourself available but don't make yourself the expert.

One last instruction that I am going to offer is to be a life long adventurer. Note that I am not saying you must travel to distant places and spend a lot of money or do dangerous things. No, by being a life long adventurer I mean, stay curious and explore the world. Sure, travel is a great way to really get a feel for the world but if physical travel isn't possible, there are plenty of other ways to travel. You can travel through classes (in person or online),  through books (fiction and non fiction), through friendships (socialize right in your neighborhood) and, certainly, on line. Being a life long adventurer might necessitate some assistance with technology or transportation but that's where your younger contacts can be immensely helpful to you. If you are likable and kind to them, I am sure they will be able to keep you as up to date with technology as you need or want to be.

Okay, I am sure there are other strategies and I would gratefully appreciate any other ideas that might be out there. This is enough for me for now. I thank my brother Mark for shaking me up a bit this weekend. Because of his frank line of questioning, I had to reconsider where I am headed.  I still plan to ride my bicycle until forever but I am also a little more prepared to be real about the years I have left on the planet. I marvel that I am passing through.  I marvel at my ability to adapt and the many times when I have had to adapt. Remembering all of those times gives me hope for the future. It tells me that I can face aging with equanimity.  I will lean on my people, especially my children and their cousins, but I will also be there for them to lean on me.  That's how we hold each other up. That's how we all get though life, amirite?